So this summer I've read several Christian blogs about pool and beach wear. While I sympathize with a lot that is being said and I agree fully that modesty is important (I have three boys and a husband I'd be nuts not to agree!!!) I'm not totally against two piece bathing suits. I actually take more offense at skimpy church wear!
So that is the issue of 'sexual' modesty, what about another side of modesty? Is modesty only about clothing and the covering up of one's body? Here's the definition of modest: Unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one's abilities or achievements. So we know that means clothing, and it also means talents as we're supposed to be humble, but what about money? Oh, oh, here's where the rubber meets the road and I hope I don't step on too many toes.
Sometimes I wonder about these sweaters that proclaim "BENCH" down the sleeve. And clothing with the "Lululemon" symbol, I can already hear the onslaught coming. What if I got it second hand? What if it was on sale? Is it okay when the skimpy skanky bikini is on sale? Why do you want clothing that is obviously very expensive? Really? I think that's a good motive to examine. Are we running after the world wanting 'brand name' stuff? I know many say they are so comfortable, I can tell you I think I'd be very UNcomfortable in a hoodie I paid a hundred bucks for. It's all relative though. I mean some might buy very expensive shoes and have the real excuse that they are on their feet all day as a nurse. There's always different good 'reasons'. Like I said I just want to examine our motives. Sometimes I see two year olds running around in brand name hoodies and I wonder....
What about vehicles? Do we 'need' a vehicle with a name basically proclaims... "I have money"? Do we all need the fanciest SUV we can get? Here in central Alberta a rusty van is an embarrassment!
When God blesses you with a beautiful body you should not show it all, and when God blesses you with talents you should show them humbly, when God blesses you with obedient children you should not look down your nose at the struggling mother in the grocery store. Right? So...when God blesses you with money is it ok to flaunt it?
It's easier for me I know, I don't have the body, or the obedient kids and my talents are a bit limited, and we are blessed financially but not 'Coach Purse" blessed. Course I've never been interested in designer anything so I guess I'm blessed not to be coveting those things. Not that I don't covet. Oh I would LOVE a bigger house and yard, a vehicle that would pull a little trailer, a trailer to pull, and many other wonderful things that money can buy! Satan waits around every corner to tempt us hey?
Well,I just wanted us all to remember when we judge the skimpy bikinis at the beach that modesty does not end with clothing.
I hope you all have a blessed week, and forgive me for speaking my mind... I know you are used to it! ;)
I
know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I
have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.~ Philippians 4:12,13
Friday, August 10, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Bring On the Sunshine....
It's one of those sultry summer nights that you hear about in country songs and read about in books. I love it. I feel like I'm in Manitoba again.
It's warm in the house to be sure, I just had a cold-ish shower, and have one of those big square fans that sounds like a helicopter propped up in my window. Growing up on the farm I remember how mom would work at keeping the house cool, all the curtains were drawn, and she'd constantly check the the inside and outside temperature in the evening so the moment they were the same everything was thrown open and the fans were going. I used to talk into the fan. Back in the day we didn't all have a WII or whatever else so we had to entertain ourselves!
Oh how I love a hot summer! I love the endless summer days filled with blue skies, laughing kids running through sprinklers. I love the evening walks with the dog, the sounds and smells of lawn mowing, and those crazy thundershowers that spring up after a few hot days.
Nights like this get my creative juices flowing. They seem like the perfect backdrop for a story. I like to write I've always thought it would be great to write a book but as anyone who knows me can tell you I don't have a whole lot of patience and book writing is patient work.
My last two summers have sucked, to put it mildly. I was dealing with too much, physically, spiritually and emotionally. In some ways I feel I've been set free from some of that and thank the good Lord He's giving us lovely sunny weather to boot. By no means have I completely healed but then, I'm not sure I ever shall, and I'm learning to accept that and strangely that is my healing.
Well reading back I'm not sure what my 'life lesson' was this blog post but I'm cheery and I hope you'll all find that contagious! I hope your summer is bringing you the energy and rejuvenation you need too.
Enjoy the heat wave!
The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
~ Proverbs 4:18
It's warm in the house to be sure, I just had a cold-ish shower, and have one of those big square fans that sounds like a helicopter propped up in my window. Growing up on the farm I remember how mom would work at keeping the house cool, all the curtains were drawn, and she'd constantly check the the inside and outside temperature in the evening so the moment they were the same everything was thrown open and the fans were going. I used to talk into the fan. Back in the day we didn't all have a WII or whatever else so we had to entertain ourselves!
Oh how I love a hot summer! I love the endless summer days filled with blue skies, laughing kids running through sprinklers. I love the evening walks with the dog, the sounds and smells of lawn mowing, and those crazy thundershowers that spring up after a few hot days.
Nights like this get my creative juices flowing. They seem like the perfect backdrop for a story. I like to write I've always thought it would be great to write a book but as anyone who knows me can tell you I don't have a whole lot of patience and book writing is patient work.
My last two summers have sucked, to put it mildly. I was dealing with too much, physically, spiritually and emotionally. In some ways I feel I've been set free from some of that and thank the good Lord He's giving us lovely sunny weather to boot. By no means have I completely healed but then, I'm not sure I ever shall, and I'm learning to accept that and strangely that is my healing.
Well reading back I'm not sure what my 'life lesson' was this blog post but I'm cheery and I hope you'll all find that contagious! I hope your summer is bringing you the energy and rejuvenation you need too.
Enjoy the heat wave!
The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
~ Proverbs 4:18
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Mijn Genade Is U Genoeg
From the time I was a little girl until I was a teenager my Oma had a wooden plaque in her living room that said 'Mijn genade is u genoeg.' It means "My grace is sufficient for you," and it's a quote from the apostle Paul. I asked my mom once to translate it and what makes me chuckle now is when she told me what it meant it I understood it little more than I had in dutch! I had no idea what it was referring to nor did I have the drive at the time to figure it out. My mom's answer was 'genoeg' then.
My Oma lived to me 90 something years old. I remember her to be kind and I always loved her. I was 19 when she died and I was sad, but we were rejoicing because she lived so long and she had some strokes in the end that paralyzed her partially. She was ready to go.
Recently my mom wrote us kids a book about her life as a immigrant family from Holland to Canada and having read it I think my Oma must have looked to that precious plaque carted all the way from the Netherlands many times her life and she must have known exactly what it meant. When she felt lonely for her family and country, when she couldn't speak or understand the language when life was eked out of a hard land with hard work, she always knew that God's grace was enough. Even before that in Holland when she lived through the war and buried her child and later when she buried another child and her husband.... A life of 90 years carries many joys but also many sorrows of this broken world.
If God's grace was sufficient for her, than it will be for me too. Right? I've been thinking of the sign often lately and in the past years it's like God translated it for me! My mom gave me the English version and now God made me understand. "My grace is sufficient for YOU, Amy, it's genoeg, enough." It isn't too much, it isn't too little, it's "enough".
I'm thankful for Oma, for my heritage that has taught me daily of God's grace for me and even for the trials in which God has brought the true meaning of His grace home to me. My doubt in His sufficiency doesn't change that it is enough. Nothing changes God, if His grace was sufficient for Oma, it is for me too.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 1 Corinthians 12:9
My Oma lived to me 90 something years old. I remember her to be kind and I always loved her. I was 19 when she died and I was sad, but we were rejoicing because she lived so long and she had some strokes in the end that paralyzed her partially. She was ready to go.
Recently my mom wrote us kids a book about her life as a immigrant family from Holland to Canada and having read it I think my Oma must have looked to that precious plaque carted all the way from the Netherlands many times her life and she must have known exactly what it meant. When she felt lonely for her family and country, when she couldn't speak or understand the language when life was eked out of a hard land with hard work, she always knew that God's grace was enough. Even before that in Holland when she lived through the war and buried her child and later when she buried another child and her husband.... A life of 90 years carries many joys but also many sorrows of this broken world.
If God's grace was sufficient for her, than it will be for me too. Right? I've been thinking of the sign often lately and in the past years it's like God translated it for me! My mom gave me the English version and now God made me understand. "My grace is sufficient for YOU, Amy, it's genoeg, enough." It isn't too much, it isn't too little, it's "enough".
I'm thankful for Oma, for my heritage that has taught me daily of God's grace for me and even for the trials in which God has brought the true meaning of His grace home to me. My doubt in His sufficiency doesn't change that it is enough. Nothing changes God, if His grace was sufficient for Oma, it is for me too.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 1 Corinthians 12:9
Jesus, I Come
- Out of my bondage, sorrow, and night,
Jesus, I come! Jesus, I come!
Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light,
Jesus, I come to Thee!
Out of my sickness into Thy health,
Out of my want and into Thy wealth,
Out of my sin and into Thyself,
Jesus, I come to Thee! - Out of my shameful failure and loss,
Jesus, I come! Jesus, I come!
Into the glorious gain of Thy cross,
Jesus, I come to Thee!
Out of earth's sorrows into Thy balm,
Out of life's storm and into Thy calm,
Out of distress to jubilant psalm,
Jesus, I come to Thee! - Out of unrest and arrogant pride,
Jesus, I come! Jesus, I come!
Into Thy blessed will to abide,
Jesus, I come to Thee!
Out of myself to dwell in Thy love,
Out of despair into raptures above,
Upward for aye on wings like a dove,
Jesus, I come to Thee! - Out of the fear and dread of the tomb,
Jesus, I come! Jesus, I come!
Into the joy and pleasure, Thine own,
Jesus, I come to Thee!
Out of the depths of ruin untold,
Into the flock Thy love doth enfold,
Ever Thy glorious face to behold,
Jesus, I come to Thee!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
A Positive Attitude
Yesterday I spent the whole day with a really positive friend and our combined 7 kids. It was a good day. There was no drama, no stress, just fun creating and crafting together. Even when the kids started drama we were determined to be jolly and go on having a wonderful day. It was a great day! Then last night I slept like a rock. This is the girl who gets bouts of insomnia over every small drama in my life. I need less drama and more something..... I'm in search of it. It's not prayer... every time I lay awake I pray and pray for everyone I know. But it is something that's missing from my christian walk. Maybe it's a positive attitude.
A year ago I made the decision to surround myself with positive people. An excellent decision. It really helped me in my life. Recently I decided to be around positive people I need to be one. Yes, it took me a bit to put that together! ;) Not that I never am positive, but I don't always make a conscious effort.
Just so you know this won't be an easy task for me, I'm a cup half empty type of gal at times... not without reason as right now poor Ryan's is suffering from a slipped/bulging disc in his back that requires surgery which may take a year to get, and he takes a plethora of pain meds every day just to function. BUT... here comes my positive attitude.... it's repairable, in time he'll hopefully be back to his old self.
Being positive I think has a lot to do with the joyful attitude discussed frequently in the Bible. Joyful in the face of trials. (James) Joyful in the face of suffering (Thessalonians) Sometimes it seems like parts of life are too trivial for God to care about but I'm learning more and more that it's more natural to worship God in Church or other setting but I need to worship Him with my whole life! Even in mundane every day tasks. This means I must have a positive, worshipful, attitude when I am going through difficult times I have to be thankful and positive for the gift of eternal life He's made possible. I want worship Him in all my actions every day. And I want to grow closer to Him. I want to smile and be happy and positive in the promises my family and I have, that no amount of trials can take away. I want to be a positive example to my children. (My husband already is, he's a 'make the best of it' type of fella.)
Recognizing negative aspects of your personality is so hard. Sometimes it feels like everything is wrong with me. But it's cleansing and necessary to grow constantly. If God didn't think I needed to go on changing and growing in faith He'd bring me home to heaven right now! So obviously, I've work to do!
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
A year ago I made the decision to surround myself with positive people. An excellent decision. It really helped me in my life. Recently I decided to be around positive people I need to be one. Yes, it took me a bit to put that together! ;) Not that I never am positive, but I don't always make a conscious effort.
Just so you know this won't be an easy task for me, I'm a cup half empty type of gal at times... not without reason as right now poor Ryan's is suffering from a slipped/bulging disc in his back that requires surgery which may take a year to get, and he takes a plethora of pain meds every day just to function. BUT... here comes my positive attitude.... it's repairable, in time he'll hopefully be back to his old self.
Being positive I think has a lot to do with the joyful attitude discussed frequently in the Bible. Joyful in the face of trials. (James) Joyful in the face of suffering (Thessalonians) Sometimes it seems like parts of life are too trivial for God to care about but I'm learning more and more that it's more natural to worship God in Church or other setting but I need to worship Him with my whole life! Even in mundane every day tasks. This means I must have a positive, worshipful, attitude when I am going through difficult times I have to be thankful and positive for the gift of eternal life He's made possible. I want worship Him in all my actions every day. And I want to grow closer to Him. I want to smile and be happy and positive in the promises my family and I have, that no amount of trials can take away. I want to be a positive example to my children. (My husband already is, he's a 'make the best of it' type of fella.)
Recognizing negative aspects of your personality is so hard. Sometimes it feels like everything is wrong with me. But it's cleansing and necessary to grow constantly. If God didn't think I needed to go on changing and growing in faith He'd bring me home to heaven right now! So obviously, I've work to do!
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
Friday, July 15, 2011
Life ain't fair sister, DEAL WITH IT
I remember once when Ryan and I had a visit from the elders in our church and the theme was Thou shall not covet. They asked us if we struggled with coveting and we both happily said "Not Really." Now I marvel at that! We lived in a little house that some would have considered ramshackle, but we were just thankful to get it for next to nothing a month. Our vehicle was my very first car a 2 door 5 speed1989 Pontiac Sunbird, black in case you were wondering, with pin striping. We were expecting our first child. Ryan was studying full time at University and I was working at the local Coop grocery store. We were making ends meet on student loans and my 8.50 an hour. We were happy and full of hope for our future.
Now here's where I should enter a great big disclaimer! We both were aware that we sinned against every commandment but we were asked if it was one in particular that we STRUGGLED with. At the time we didn't.
To be honest Ryan still does not. He has been very blessed by God to accept his lot in life and he ambitiously tries (and succeeds at) making a comfortable life for his family. I sometimes want the kraft dinner supper, no mortgage days back. As memories go it's likely I remember it better than it was, but one thing I'm sure of, it was a time we were full of hopes and dreams. We innocently looked forward to our future together, not knowing that some of it would be tough to take!
Coveting encompasses a realm of things I didn't even know existed back then. You are not supposed to look at what your neighbour has and wish it was yours. You may not wish for the husband that vacuums if yours doesn't, or the child that sits quietly through church if yours doesn't, or the son or daughter that God didn't grant, or the son or daughter in law that God didn't grant. It's not OK to wish for the social status others have or their abilities. The reason God gave this command is because He loves us, and He knows nothing good will come from keeping up with the Jones'. He wants us to be satisfied in our life and our love of him. A really great book to read to remind yourself that your lot in life could have been worse is 'Left to Tell' by Immaculee Ilibigiza. http://www.immaculee.com/
Sometimes life is just not fair, sometimes the hardships come in droves to some while others seem to get by unscathed. Christian couples who'd love children aren't able to have them while others are disposing of pregnancies that were unplanned. American public are losing their homes and huge banks are being bailed out while bank executives are still taking home their Christmas bonuses. Even the preacher noticed this in Ecclesiastes! Eccl. 7:15: “I have seen everything in my days of vanity: there is a just man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs life in his wickedness.
Life ain't fair and I have to fight the urge that to say but it should be! It's something I constantly think but realize I have no right to say.
The truth is Ryan and I are living our dreams. We are in love. We have beautiful children. Ryan and I are two of 4% of people (yes 4 out of 100) that love their job. What a blessing! We have a home, a family, a church family, hobbies, and most of all our health. Life truly ISN'T fair that we should be so incredibly blessed.
I tried and tried to quote the parts of this Psalm that emulate what I'm trying to say but I decided I had to use it all... enjoy.
Psalm 73
1 Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.[a]
5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”
12 This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.
15 If I had spoken out like that,
I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
Now here's where I should enter a great big disclaimer! We both were aware that we sinned against every commandment but we were asked if it was one in particular that we STRUGGLED with. At the time we didn't.
To be honest Ryan still does not. He has been very blessed by God to accept his lot in life and he ambitiously tries (and succeeds at) making a comfortable life for his family. I sometimes want the kraft dinner supper, no mortgage days back. As memories go it's likely I remember it better than it was, but one thing I'm sure of, it was a time we were full of hopes and dreams. We innocently looked forward to our future together, not knowing that some of it would be tough to take!
Coveting encompasses a realm of things I didn't even know existed back then. You are not supposed to look at what your neighbour has and wish it was yours. You may not wish for the husband that vacuums if yours doesn't, or the child that sits quietly through church if yours doesn't, or the son or daughter that God didn't grant, or the son or daughter in law that God didn't grant. It's not OK to wish for the social status others have or their abilities. The reason God gave this command is because He loves us, and He knows nothing good will come from keeping up with the Jones'. He wants us to be satisfied in our life and our love of him. A really great book to read to remind yourself that your lot in life could have been worse is 'Left to Tell' by Immaculee Ilibigiza. http://www.immaculee.com/
Sometimes life is just not fair, sometimes the hardships come in droves to some while others seem to get by unscathed. Christian couples who'd love children aren't able to have them while others are disposing of pregnancies that were unplanned. American public are losing their homes and huge banks are being bailed out while bank executives are still taking home their Christmas bonuses. Even the preacher noticed this in Ecclesiastes! Eccl. 7:15: “I have seen everything in my days of vanity: there is a just man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs life in his wickedness.
Life ain't fair and I have to fight the urge that to say but it should be! It's something I constantly think but realize I have no right to say.
The truth is Ryan and I are living our dreams. We are in love. We have beautiful children. Ryan and I are two of 4% of people (yes 4 out of 100) that love their job. What a blessing! We have a home, a family, a church family, hobbies, and most of all our health. Life truly ISN'T fair that we should be so incredibly blessed.
I tried and tried to quote the parts of this Psalm that emulate what I'm trying to say but I decided I had to use it all... enjoy.
Psalm 73
1 Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.[a]
5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”
12 This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.
15 If I had spoken out like that,
I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Where Is My Treasure?
As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good--except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'" "Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy." Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Mark 10:17-22
What would Jesus have said to you or me if we would have been the man in this story? Today I realized something for the first time, I think I'm a little late with this, probably you'll all say "No Duh, Amy." Anyway the thing I realized just made me want to write it down. So join me on my journey.
Today it occurred to me that this story isn't just about having money or being rich. I always kind of assumed it did and never tried to look deeper! Although in further verses of this text the Bible does talk about how it is difficult to be both wealthy and love God, really many of us Christians are wealthy. We have much much more than many people in this world who continue to love Jesus Christ under complete duress. Jesus picked the thing that hindered this man from inheriting eternal life and he asked him to give it up. This text should be cross referenced to Luke 12: 34 which you will read at the bottom of this post.
What is my treasure? Where is my heart? I know where it OUGHT to be! What would Jesus ask me to give up? Would it be my desire for more financial freedom? Or maybe the desire to have another baby? Would it be the worries I hold for my husband and children and their safety?What is holding me back from complete surrender to my Lord? What is it that I refuse to give Him?
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking into the future too much, wondering, and worrying what it will hold. Grief does that to you. You don't ever want to experience it again and yet you know you will have to. Recently at a ladies retreat we talked about "knowing the sting of death". When you've experienced the loss of a loved one you know that it's a "wrong" feeling, that that deep sadness isn't something man was created to endure. But because of our sin, endure it we must.
At this time in my life I am trying hard to be satisfied with every day, with every blessing and not spend each blessed day wondering, wishing, worrying about tomorrow. Believing your life is in the palm of God's hand is letting go. Letting go of what could have been, or what will be. I wish things could have been different for me, but they couldn't. God chose for me a path and walk it I must. I don't have to like all the trials, even Jesus asked to be spared in the Garden of Gethsemane, but once I see what lies ahead it's time to stop holding back that last bit, be it wealth or even Godly desires, and give everything to God.
Thanks for your prayers.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34
What would Jesus have said to you or me if we would have been the man in this story? Today I realized something for the first time, I think I'm a little late with this, probably you'll all say "No Duh, Amy." Anyway the thing I realized just made me want to write it down. So join me on my journey.
Today it occurred to me that this story isn't just about having money or being rich. I always kind of assumed it did and never tried to look deeper! Although in further verses of this text the Bible does talk about how it is difficult to be both wealthy and love God, really many of us Christians are wealthy. We have much much more than many people in this world who continue to love Jesus Christ under complete duress. Jesus picked the thing that hindered this man from inheriting eternal life and he asked him to give it up. This text should be cross referenced to Luke 12: 34 which you will read at the bottom of this post.
What is my treasure? Where is my heart? I know where it OUGHT to be! What would Jesus ask me to give up? Would it be my desire for more financial freedom? Or maybe the desire to have another baby? Would it be the worries I hold for my husband and children and their safety?What is holding me back from complete surrender to my Lord? What is it that I refuse to give Him?
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking into the future too much, wondering, and worrying what it will hold. Grief does that to you. You don't ever want to experience it again and yet you know you will have to. Recently at a ladies retreat we talked about "knowing the sting of death". When you've experienced the loss of a loved one you know that it's a "wrong" feeling, that that deep sadness isn't something man was created to endure. But because of our sin, endure it we must.
At this time in my life I am trying hard to be satisfied with every day, with every blessing and not spend each blessed day wondering, wishing, worrying about tomorrow. Believing your life is in the palm of God's hand is letting go. Letting go of what could have been, or what will be. I wish things could have been different for me, but they couldn't. God chose for me a path and walk it I must. I don't have to like all the trials, even Jesus asked to be spared in the Garden of Gethsemane, but once I see what lies ahead it's time to stop holding back that last bit, be it wealth or even Godly desires, and give everything to God.
Thanks for your prayers.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A Crushed Spirit
This week I experienced my fourth successive miscarriage. I'm trying hard to sort through all my feelings and emotions and finding impossible. I have moments of confidence and long periods of self doubt. I know many people who look for the reasons God allows them to walk certain paths in their lives but I am struggling with the question: "Is it really ok to ask God 'Why?'"
For me the answer to this question is no. Asking why doesn't benefit me. Searching my life for some sin I have committed that could possibly have caused me to have to suffer this great grief again is heartbreaking and impossible. The sins are too numerous to count. If God was being fair I'd never have received a blessing in my life. God does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. (Psalm 103) But yet all around me people are having children and I am not. In my heart of hearts I still believe I may not ask God why... but it's awfully hard not to wonder.
One of my constant worries is that I'm doing a good enough job as a wife and mother. This week even though it was beyond my control I felt I failed at both. I feel my spirit broken within me. I feel a sorrow so deep and wide it's almost like there is no way over it. Maybe there isn't supposed to be. I understand the 'barren' women of the Bible and how they lamented and begged the Lord to turn his face to them again.
One thing that I have learned these last two years that I would like to pass on is this. When you are blessed, give of yourself and your love. Never pat yourself on the back for the blessings God gives you and never allow yourself to think you deserve them or they were earned. Be the good Samaritan and do not ask if the person deserves your love, because not one of us deserves God's love more than another. It has been said to me that maybe the Lord is trying to tell me something. I know that it's well meant but unless you know what the Lord is trying to tell someone (and I don't think you possibly can) then they are useless words. Unless it's just a nice way of saying... "Quit trying Amy..." In that case it's not the Lord trying to tell me it's the person saying it. I'd hesitate to say the Lord "tries" to do anything. He either does something or He does not.
There have been times in my life when I have found it very difficult to feel God's love for me. But I was raised to keep on praying and reading even when the Devil wishes to confound me.... so this week I will repeat Psalm 34:18 over and over and pray that I will soon feel it's truth.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
For me the answer to this question is no. Asking why doesn't benefit me. Searching my life for some sin I have committed that could possibly have caused me to have to suffer this great grief again is heartbreaking and impossible. The sins are too numerous to count. If God was being fair I'd never have received a blessing in my life. God does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. (Psalm 103) But yet all around me people are having children and I am not. In my heart of hearts I still believe I may not ask God why... but it's awfully hard not to wonder.
One of my constant worries is that I'm doing a good enough job as a wife and mother. This week even though it was beyond my control I felt I failed at both. I feel my spirit broken within me. I feel a sorrow so deep and wide it's almost like there is no way over it. Maybe there isn't supposed to be. I understand the 'barren' women of the Bible and how they lamented and begged the Lord to turn his face to them again.
One thing that I have learned these last two years that I would like to pass on is this. When you are blessed, give of yourself and your love. Never pat yourself on the back for the blessings God gives you and never allow yourself to think you deserve them or they were earned. Be the good Samaritan and do not ask if the person deserves your love, because not one of us deserves God's love more than another. It has been said to me that maybe the Lord is trying to tell me something. I know that it's well meant but unless you know what the Lord is trying to tell someone (and I don't think you possibly can) then they are useless words. Unless it's just a nice way of saying... "Quit trying Amy..." In that case it's not the Lord trying to tell me it's the person saying it. I'd hesitate to say the Lord "tries" to do anything. He either does something or He does not.
There have been times in my life when I have found it very difficult to feel God's love for me. But I was raised to keep on praying and reading even when the Devil wishes to confound me.... so this week I will repeat Psalm 34:18 over and over and pray that I will soon feel it's truth.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
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