Yesterday I spent the whole day with a really positive friend and our combined 7 kids. It was a good day. There was no drama, no stress, just fun creating and crafting together. Even when the kids started drama we were determined to be jolly and go on having a wonderful day. It was a great day! Then last night I slept like a rock. This is the girl who gets bouts of insomnia over every small drama in my life. I need less drama and more something..... I'm in search of it. It's not prayer... every time I lay awake I pray and pray for everyone I know. But it is something that's missing from my christian walk. Maybe it's a positive attitude.
A year ago I made the decision to surround myself with positive people. An excellent decision. It really helped me in my life. Recently I decided to be around positive people I need to be one. Yes, it took me a bit to put that together! ;) Not that I never am positive, but I don't always make a conscious effort.
Just so you know this won't be an easy task for me, I'm a cup half empty type of gal at times... not without reason as right now poor Ryan's is suffering from a slipped/bulging disc in his back that requires surgery which may take a year to get, and he takes a plethora of pain meds every day just to function. BUT... here comes my positive attitude.... it's repairable, in time he'll hopefully be back to his old self.
Being positive I think has a lot to do with the joyful attitude discussed frequently in the Bible. Joyful in the face of trials. (James) Joyful in the face of suffering (Thessalonians) Sometimes it seems like parts of life are too trivial for God to care about but I'm learning more and more that it's more natural to worship God in Church or other setting but I need to worship Him with my whole life! Even in mundane every day tasks. This means I must have a positive, worshipful, attitude when I am going through difficult times I have to be thankful and positive for the gift of eternal life He's made possible. I want worship Him in all my actions every day. And I want to grow closer to Him. I want to smile and be happy and positive in the promises my family and I have, that no amount of trials can take away. I want to be a positive example to my children. (My husband already is, he's a 'make the best of it' type of fella.)
Recognizing negative aspects of your personality is so hard. Sometimes it feels like everything is wrong with me. But it's cleansing and necessary to grow constantly. If God didn't think I needed to go on changing and growing in faith He'd bring me home to heaven right now! So obviously, I've work to do!
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Life ain't fair sister, DEAL WITH IT
I remember once when Ryan and I had a visit from the elders in our church and the theme was Thou shall not covet. They asked us if we struggled with coveting and we both happily said "Not Really." Now I marvel at that! We lived in a little house that some would have considered ramshackle, but we were just thankful to get it for next to nothing a month. Our vehicle was my very first car a 2 door 5 speed1989 Pontiac Sunbird, black in case you were wondering, with pin striping. We were expecting our first child. Ryan was studying full time at University and I was working at the local Coop grocery store. We were making ends meet on student loans and my 8.50 an hour. We were happy and full of hope for our future.
Now here's where I should enter a great big disclaimer! We both were aware that we sinned against every commandment but we were asked if it was one in particular that we STRUGGLED with. At the time we didn't.
To be honest Ryan still does not. He has been very blessed by God to accept his lot in life and he ambitiously tries (and succeeds at) making a comfortable life for his family. I sometimes want the kraft dinner supper, no mortgage days back. As memories go it's likely I remember it better than it was, but one thing I'm sure of, it was a time we were full of hopes and dreams. We innocently looked forward to our future together, not knowing that some of it would be tough to take!
Coveting encompasses a realm of things I didn't even know existed back then. You are not supposed to look at what your neighbour has and wish it was yours. You may not wish for the husband that vacuums if yours doesn't, or the child that sits quietly through church if yours doesn't, or the son or daughter that God didn't grant, or the son or daughter in law that God didn't grant. It's not OK to wish for the social status others have or their abilities. The reason God gave this command is because He loves us, and He knows nothing good will come from keeping up with the Jones'. He wants us to be satisfied in our life and our love of him. A really great book to read to remind yourself that your lot in life could have been worse is 'Left to Tell' by Immaculee Ilibigiza. http://www.immaculee.com/
Sometimes life is just not fair, sometimes the hardships come in droves to some while others seem to get by unscathed. Christian couples who'd love children aren't able to have them while others are disposing of pregnancies that were unplanned. American public are losing their homes and huge banks are being bailed out while bank executives are still taking home their Christmas bonuses. Even the preacher noticed this in Ecclesiastes! Eccl. 7:15: “I have seen everything in my days of vanity: there is a just man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs life in his wickedness.
Life ain't fair and I have to fight the urge that to say but it should be! It's something I constantly think but realize I have no right to say.
The truth is Ryan and I are living our dreams. We are in love. We have beautiful children. Ryan and I are two of 4% of people (yes 4 out of 100) that love their job. What a blessing! We have a home, a family, a church family, hobbies, and most of all our health. Life truly ISN'T fair that we should be so incredibly blessed.
I tried and tried to quote the parts of this Psalm that emulate what I'm trying to say but I decided I had to use it all... enjoy.
Psalm 73
1 Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.[a]
5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”
12 This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.
15 If I had spoken out like that,
I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
Now here's where I should enter a great big disclaimer! We both were aware that we sinned against every commandment but we were asked if it was one in particular that we STRUGGLED with. At the time we didn't.
To be honest Ryan still does not. He has been very blessed by God to accept his lot in life and he ambitiously tries (and succeeds at) making a comfortable life for his family. I sometimes want the kraft dinner supper, no mortgage days back. As memories go it's likely I remember it better than it was, but one thing I'm sure of, it was a time we were full of hopes and dreams. We innocently looked forward to our future together, not knowing that some of it would be tough to take!
Coveting encompasses a realm of things I didn't even know existed back then. You are not supposed to look at what your neighbour has and wish it was yours. You may not wish for the husband that vacuums if yours doesn't, or the child that sits quietly through church if yours doesn't, or the son or daughter that God didn't grant, or the son or daughter in law that God didn't grant. It's not OK to wish for the social status others have or their abilities. The reason God gave this command is because He loves us, and He knows nothing good will come from keeping up with the Jones'. He wants us to be satisfied in our life and our love of him. A really great book to read to remind yourself that your lot in life could have been worse is 'Left to Tell' by Immaculee Ilibigiza. http://www.immaculee.com/
Sometimes life is just not fair, sometimes the hardships come in droves to some while others seem to get by unscathed. Christian couples who'd love children aren't able to have them while others are disposing of pregnancies that were unplanned. American public are losing their homes and huge banks are being bailed out while bank executives are still taking home their Christmas bonuses. Even the preacher noticed this in Ecclesiastes! Eccl. 7:15: “I have seen everything in my days of vanity: there is a just man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs life in his wickedness.
Life ain't fair and I have to fight the urge that to say but it should be! It's something I constantly think but realize I have no right to say.
The truth is Ryan and I are living our dreams. We are in love. We have beautiful children. Ryan and I are two of 4% of people (yes 4 out of 100) that love their job. What a blessing! We have a home, a family, a church family, hobbies, and most of all our health. Life truly ISN'T fair that we should be so incredibly blessed.
I tried and tried to quote the parts of this Psalm that emulate what I'm trying to say but I decided I had to use it all... enjoy.
Psalm 73
1 Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.[a]
5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”
12 This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.
15 If I had spoken out like that,
I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Where Is My Treasure?
As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good--except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'" "Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy." Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Mark 10:17-22
What would Jesus have said to you or me if we would have been the man in this story? Today I realized something for the first time, I think I'm a little late with this, probably you'll all say "No Duh, Amy." Anyway the thing I realized just made me want to write it down. So join me on my journey.
Today it occurred to me that this story isn't just about having money or being rich. I always kind of assumed it did and never tried to look deeper! Although in further verses of this text the Bible does talk about how it is difficult to be both wealthy and love God, really many of us Christians are wealthy. We have much much more than many people in this world who continue to love Jesus Christ under complete duress. Jesus picked the thing that hindered this man from inheriting eternal life and he asked him to give it up. This text should be cross referenced to Luke 12: 34 which you will read at the bottom of this post.
What is my treasure? Where is my heart? I know where it OUGHT to be! What would Jesus ask me to give up? Would it be my desire for more financial freedom? Or maybe the desire to have another baby? Would it be the worries I hold for my husband and children and their safety?What is holding me back from complete surrender to my Lord? What is it that I refuse to give Him?
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking into the future too much, wondering, and worrying what it will hold. Grief does that to you. You don't ever want to experience it again and yet you know you will have to. Recently at a ladies retreat we talked about "knowing the sting of death". When you've experienced the loss of a loved one you know that it's a "wrong" feeling, that that deep sadness isn't something man was created to endure. But because of our sin, endure it we must.
At this time in my life I am trying hard to be satisfied with every day, with every blessing and not spend each blessed day wondering, wishing, worrying about tomorrow. Believing your life is in the palm of God's hand is letting go. Letting go of what could have been, or what will be. I wish things could have been different for me, but they couldn't. God chose for me a path and walk it I must. I don't have to like all the trials, even Jesus asked to be spared in the Garden of Gethsemane, but once I see what lies ahead it's time to stop holding back that last bit, be it wealth or even Godly desires, and give everything to God.
Thanks for your prayers.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34
What would Jesus have said to you or me if we would have been the man in this story? Today I realized something for the first time, I think I'm a little late with this, probably you'll all say "No Duh, Amy." Anyway the thing I realized just made me want to write it down. So join me on my journey.
Today it occurred to me that this story isn't just about having money or being rich. I always kind of assumed it did and never tried to look deeper! Although in further verses of this text the Bible does talk about how it is difficult to be both wealthy and love God, really many of us Christians are wealthy. We have much much more than many people in this world who continue to love Jesus Christ under complete duress. Jesus picked the thing that hindered this man from inheriting eternal life and he asked him to give it up. This text should be cross referenced to Luke 12: 34 which you will read at the bottom of this post.
What is my treasure? Where is my heart? I know where it OUGHT to be! What would Jesus ask me to give up? Would it be my desire for more financial freedom? Or maybe the desire to have another baby? Would it be the worries I hold for my husband and children and their safety?What is holding me back from complete surrender to my Lord? What is it that I refuse to give Him?
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking into the future too much, wondering, and worrying what it will hold. Grief does that to you. You don't ever want to experience it again and yet you know you will have to. Recently at a ladies retreat we talked about "knowing the sting of death". When you've experienced the loss of a loved one you know that it's a "wrong" feeling, that that deep sadness isn't something man was created to endure. But because of our sin, endure it we must.
At this time in my life I am trying hard to be satisfied with every day, with every blessing and not spend each blessed day wondering, wishing, worrying about tomorrow. Believing your life is in the palm of God's hand is letting go. Letting go of what could have been, or what will be. I wish things could have been different for me, but they couldn't. God chose for me a path and walk it I must. I don't have to like all the trials, even Jesus asked to be spared in the Garden of Gethsemane, but once I see what lies ahead it's time to stop holding back that last bit, be it wealth or even Godly desires, and give everything to God.
Thanks for your prayers.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A Crushed Spirit
This week I experienced my fourth successive miscarriage. I'm trying hard to sort through all my feelings and emotions and finding impossible. I have moments of confidence and long periods of self doubt. I know many people who look for the reasons God allows them to walk certain paths in their lives but I am struggling with the question: "Is it really ok to ask God 'Why?'"
For me the answer to this question is no. Asking why doesn't benefit me. Searching my life for some sin I have committed that could possibly have caused me to have to suffer this great grief again is heartbreaking and impossible. The sins are too numerous to count. If God was being fair I'd never have received a blessing in my life. God does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. (Psalm 103) But yet all around me people are having children and I am not. In my heart of hearts I still believe I may not ask God why... but it's awfully hard not to wonder.
One of my constant worries is that I'm doing a good enough job as a wife and mother. This week even though it was beyond my control I felt I failed at both. I feel my spirit broken within me. I feel a sorrow so deep and wide it's almost like there is no way over it. Maybe there isn't supposed to be. I understand the 'barren' women of the Bible and how they lamented and begged the Lord to turn his face to them again.
One thing that I have learned these last two years that I would like to pass on is this. When you are blessed, give of yourself and your love. Never pat yourself on the back for the blessings God gives you and never allow yourself to think you deserve them or they were earned. Be the good Samaritan and do not ask if the person deserves your love, because not one of us deserves God's love more than another. It has been said to me that maybe the Lord is trying to tell me something. I know that it's well meant but unless you know what the Lord is trying to tell someone (and I don't think you possibly can) then they are useless words. Unless it's just a nice way of saying... "Quit trying Amy..." In that case it's not the Lord trying to tell me it's the person saying it. I'd hesitate to say the Lord "tries" to do anything. He either does something or He does not.
There have been times in my life when I have found it very difficult to feel God's love for me. But I was raised to keep on praying and reading even when the Devil wishes to confound me.... so this week I will repeat Psalm 34:18 over and over and pray that I will soon feel it's truth.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
For me the answer to this question is no. Asking why doesn't benefit me. Searching my life for some sin I have committed that could possibly have caused me to have to suffer this great grief again is heartbreaking and impossible. The sins are too numerous to count. If God was being fair I'd never have received a blessing in my life. God does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. (Psalm 103) But yet all around me people are having children and I am not. In my heart of hearts I still believe I may not ask God why... but it's awfully hard not to wonder.
One of my constant worries is that I'm doing a good enough job as a wife and mother. This week even though it was beyond my control I felt I failed at both. I feel my spirit broken within me. I feel a sorrow so deep and wide it's almost like there is no way over it. Maybe there isn't supposed to be. I understand the 'barren' women of the Bible and how they lamented and begged the Lord to turn his face to them again.
One thing that I have learned these last two years that I would like to pass on is this. When you are blessed, give of yourself and your love. Never pat yourself on the back for the blessings God gives you and never allow yourself to think you deserve them or they were earned. Be the good Samaritan and do not ask if the person deserves your love, because not one of us deserves God's love more than another. It has been said to me that maybe the Lord is trying to tell me something. I know that it's well meant but unless you know what the Lord is trying to tell someone (and I don't think you possibly can) then they are useless words. Unless it's just a nice way of saying... "Quit trying Amy..." In that case it's not the Lord trying to tell me it's the person saying it. I'd hesitate to say the Lord "tries" to do anything. He either does something or He does not.
There have been times in my life when I have found it very difficult to feel God's love for me. But I was raised to keep on praying and reading even when the Devil wishes to confound me.... so this week I will repeat Psalm 34:18 over and over and pray that I will soon feel it's truth.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Thank you God, for my Faith
How can we describe "faith"? It's a very difficult thing to define. Yet it is the thing that separates us from unbelievers.There are a lot of people in this world who would happily believe there was a God if we could only prove it. To us creation itself is the proof. How could we be here with the seasons working in perfect order, babies being born, the moon and stars and sun all set in place perfectly if someone hadn't started it all. Christians believe that someone is watching over his work. So then atheists will say to us why does God allow sin then? Why does he allow earthquakes and tsunamis? What about child abuse and murder and rape and terrorism?
I guess I wonder those things too but in the end I will always come back to this. God didn't make this world imperfect. He made it perfect in every way. Man fell into sin and after that the heartache and sorrow came. And since in Adam we all fell we all deserve eternal damnation. So instead of saying "Why is God so mean?" we ought to say, "Why is God so kind that he allows anyone any blessing at all, and that he gave his Son to save some unrepentant sinners because he loved them before the foundation of the world?"
Justice would be eternal damnation for all. Justice would be not a moments peace or bliss or blessing in life. Yet we are blessed with many good things. I think the problem with those who choose to believe there is not God is this: They cannot accept that they are at heart evil. That any good they do or receive is from the hand of God. It's easier to believe we can 'make' our own happiness. Believing I am at heart evil is a very freeing thing. Accepting that means that I can stop trying to make it on my own, I need God at every turn, knowing that God will and must help me is a relief! What a weight to carry to think your happiness in life is up to you!
It makes me terribly sad to know how many people out there are floundering, thinking that they can do it on their own if they just think positively enough. It especially makes me sad when I live in the complete joy and happiness of knowing that Jesus died for my sins and I'm pure before the Lord. Jesus' sacrifice is free for all to receive. There is happiness in this life though it's marred by sin and incomplete, there are blessings to enjoy. But the real joy the deep joy I can experience even in my darkest hour, that is a joy that everyone on this earth can posses. If they let go of the desire to believe human beings have some bit of good in them and rely only on their Saviour. That's faith. It's the only thing that can bring true contentment to the soul.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
I guess I wonder those things too but in the end I will always come back to this. God didn't make this world imperfect. He made it perfect in every way. Man fell into sin and after that the heartache and sorrow came. And since in Adam we all fell we all deserve eternal damnation. So instead of saying "Why is God so mean?" we ought to say, "Why is God so kind that he allows anyone any blessing at all, and that he gave his Son to save some unrepentant sinners because he loved them before the foundation of the world?"
Justice would be eternal damnation for all. Justice would be not a moments peace or bliss or blessing in life. Yet we are blessed with many good things. I think the problem with those who choose to believe there is not God is this: They cannot accept that they are at heart evil. That any good they do or receive is from the hand of God. It's easier to believe we can 'make' our own happiness. Believing I am at heart evil is a very freeing thing. Accepting that means that I can stop trying to make it on my own, I need God at every turn, knowing that God will and must help me is a relief! What a weight to carry to think your happiness in life is up to you!
It makes me terribly sad to know how many people out there are floundering, thinking that they can do it on their own if they just think positively enough. It especially makes me sad when I live in the complete joy and happiness of knowing that Jesus died for my sins and I'm pure before the Lord. Jesus' sacrifice is free for all to receive. There is happiness in this life though it's marred by sin and incomplete, there are blessings to enjoy. But the real joy the deep joy I can experience even in my darkest hour, that is a joy that everyone on this earth can posses. If they let go of the desire to believe human beings have some bit of good in them and rely only on their Saviour. That's faith. It's the only thing that can bring true contentment to the soul.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Sin: A Part of Who I Am.
This week I've been thinking a bit about labels. As a mother of three boys I recognize completely different personality traits in each of them and I notice they each have different struggles. I notice that their sin is a part of who they are. Just as our likes, dislikes, gifts, looks and fingerprints make us individuals so do our personal struggles with sin. It's the thing that makes us all the same and the thing that makes us different.
It's very hard for me to imagine who I would be without sin. Would I still talk so much? Is that a wrong part of me, or would I just not say some (lots) of the things I say. I know I wouldn't have a temper like I do, and I wouldn't worry the way I do and I wouldn't be self righteous like I can sometimes be. But would I still be Amy? Am I so sinful that who I am is mostly bad and no one would recognize what's left if that wasn't part of me anymore? It seems all very philosophical but this blog was meant to reveal the struggles of Christians and to be an exploration of self.
All this leads me to think about my kids and other kids, my oldest son is very busy, I wouldn't say he has ADD but even if he did it would take a lot for me to allow a label like that. Here's what I think. Do people who have a sibling with special needs as having "down's syndrome" or "autism" etc? Or do they just think of them as Joe or Betty or whoever they are. I can tell you from discussing this with friends who do have family members with handicaps that they almost never think of them in terms of their disorder. Where does the disorder begin and the person end or vise versa? That disorder is PART of them.
This is also true for those who have depression or bipolar disorder or who have been abused as a child. Those things become part of who a person is. The problem with a label is I think that defines them by the disorder. If you really start to search then everything could be a "symptom".
Having suffered from some mild depression myself I can tell you that the experience of it has shaped me. Sin in my life has shaped me. Losing my dad and miscarrying babies has shaped me. The only reason I had to suffer those experiences was because of the fall into sin.
Labelling disorders in children and adults can be useful, and sometimes is necessary, but I just want to be careful that we allow our children to be who they are and not find a specific reason for every bad thing they do. There is a reason! Sin! The Devil! If it has a fancy name it doesn't make it less ugly. Why is my son busy and talkative and sometimes mischeivious? Because he is a person, conceived and born in sin, but made in the image of his Father in heaven. He will struggle with his depraved nature his whole life but he will aslo enjoy the gifts he's been granted and some of his traits will be both a blessing and a curse.
We have to find a happy medium with all of this. Years ago we locked people up and kicked difficult kids out of school. Now we seem to label and medicate everyone accordingly. There isn't any quick fix for sin in the world is there? It's a life long battle and God has promised the cross we bear won't be too heavy, and if it is, He'll be there to carry it for us.
Sin is a part of who I am, but just like George Bush (see previous post) Godwilling, I will not allow it to define who I am. I'd welcome any prayers to help me out with that! :-)
1 John 1:8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
It's very hard for me to imagine who I would be without sin. Would I still talk so much? Is that a wrong part of me, or would I just not say some (lots) of the things I say. I know I wouldn't have a temper like I do, and I wouldn't worry the way I do and I wouldn't be self righteous like I can sometimes be. But would I still be Amy? Am I so sinful that who I am is mostly bad and no one would recognize what's left if that wasn't part of me anymore? It seems all very philosophical but this blog was meant to reveal the struggles of Christians and to be an exploration of self.
All this leads me to think about my kids and other kids, my oldest son is very busy, I wouldn't say he has ADD but even if he did it would take a lot for me to allow a label like that. Here's what I think. Do people who have a sibling with special needs as having "down's syndrome" or "autism" etc? Or do they just think of them as Joe or Betty or whoever they are. I can tell you from discussing this with friends who do have family members with handicaps that they almost never think of them in terms of their disorder. Where does the disorder begin and the person end or vise versa? That disorder is PART of them.
This is also true for those who have depression or bipolar disorder or who have been abused as a child. Those things become part of who a person is. The problem with a label is I think that defines them by the disorder. If you really start to search then everything could be a "symptom".
Having suffered from some mild depression myself I can tell you that the experience of it has shaped me. Sin in my life has shaped me. Losing my dad and miscarrying babies has shaped me. The only reason I had to suffer those experiences was because of the fall into sin.
Labelling disorders in children and adults can be useful, and sometimes is necessary, but I just want to be careful that we allow our children to be who they are and not find a specific reason for every bad thing they do. There is a reason! Sin! The Devil! If it has a fancy name it doesn't make it less ugly. Why is my son busy and talkative and sometimes mischeivious? Because he is a person, conceived and born in sin, but made in the image of his Father in heaven. He will struggle with his depraved nature his whole life but he will aslo enjoy the gifts he's been granted and some of his traits will be both a blessing and a curse.
We have to find a happy medium with all of this. Years ago we locked people up and kicked difficult kids out of school. Now we seem to label and medicate everyone accordingly. There isn't any quick fix for sin in the world is there? It's a life long battle and God has promised the cross we bear won't be too heavy, and if it is, He'll be there to carry it for us.
Sin is a part of who I am, but just like George Bush (see previous post) Godwilling, I will not allow it to define who I am. I'd welcome any prayers to help me out with that! :-)
1 John 1:8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
George W. Bush and Oprah
This week I saw George W Bush plugging his new autobiographical book on Oprah. Normally Oprah rather annoys me but I actually heard he was going to be on and purposely watched it because I always sorta liked him. I was really impressed at how he handled himself. Mostly she was really polite to him but she didn't really 'get' him I don't think.
George handled himself really well. He said he did his best, he didn't care what people said, he was flawed but he loved his country and tried to do right by her. He said he tried to treat people the way he wants to be treated and that's why he doesn't go criticizing the current Pres. He said; "Believe me his job is hard enough he doesn't need me criticizing him." He said he had no desire to be back in the limelight and wrote the book so people would know why he made the decisions he did.
Then he said something that shocked her. He said all the criticism he received and the jokes made at his expense didn't hurt at all compared to when it was done to his father. She just couldn't believe this. Then there was a mini interview with George senior and his wife who both also said it was harder to see their son trashed than taking it themselves.
I always said, I'd rather HAVE the baby than be in Ryan's shoes watching someone I love suffer through tremendous pain. (Just don't ask me during hard labour, I might be ready to tag out then...)
It was very significant to me that Oprah didn't get this. Obviously there is no one in the world she loves more than herself! She's an billionaire, she's famous, she's called a wonderful giving kind person all over the world and yet she doesn't know what it's like to want to suffer instead of watching someone you love suffer! Odd.
He also told her that while politics were a part of his life they did not define his life. Again Oprah said "Really!" That leads me to believe that she defines herself by what she does. I felt like I was learning more about Oprah than George!
Not that all that really surprises me. Oprah is very new age. She thinks you can make your own future and think positive and do good so you have good vibes. She doesn't really believe that at heart we're all the same, sinners.
I feel sorry for her. With all her millions she can't buy the knowledge that's been gifted to many Christians. The knowledge that without God's will our will is totally depraved. We can't and may as well not try to do it alone. The knowledge that without the faith and the work of the Spirit good works are empty.
This is a good reminder for me too. Recently my mom said to me "When you do something good do you know why it feels so good? Because then you know that God is working in you." Wise words from a wise lady! That means we shouldn't take pride in our works but in our God who powerfully works them in us by His Spirit! Isn't PRIDE one of the seven deadly sins....?
2 Corinthians 4:7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
George handled himself really well. He said he did his best, he didn't care what people said, he was flawed but he loved his country and tried to do right by her. He said he tried to treat people the way he wants to be treated and that's why he doesn't go criticizing the current Pres. He said; "Believe me his job is hard enough he doesn't need me criticizing him." He said he had no desire to be back in the limelight and wrote the book so people would know why he made the decisions he did.
Then he said something that shocked her. He said all the criticism he received and the jokes made at his expense didn't hurt at all compared to when it was done to his father. She just couldn't believe this. Then there was a mini interview with George senior and his wife who both also said it was harder to see their son trashed than taking it themselves.
I always said, I'd rather HAVE the baby than be in Ryan's shoes watching someone I love suffer through tremendous pain. (Just don't ask me during hard labour, I might be ready to tag out then...)
It was very significant to me that Oprah didn't get this. Obviously there is no one in the world she loves more than herself! She's an billionaire, she's famous, she's called a wonderful giving kind person all over the world and yet she doesn't know what it's like to want to suffer instead of watching someone you love suffer! Odd.
He also told her that while politics were a part of his life they did not define his life. Again Oprah said "Really!" That leads me to believe that she defines herself by what she does. I felt like I was learning more about Oprah than George!
Not that all that really surprises me. Oprah is very new age. She thinks you can make your own future and think positive and do good so you have good vibes. She doesn't really believe that at heart we're all the same, sinners.
I feel sorry for her. With all her millions she can't buy the knowledge that's been gifted to many Christians. The knowledge that without God's will our will is totally depraved. We can't and may as well not try to do it alone. The knowledge that without the faith and the work of the Spirit good works are empty.
This is a good reminder for me too. Recently my mom said to me "When you do something good do you know why it feels so good? Because then you know that God is working in you." Wise words from a wise lady! That means we shouldn't take pride in our works but in our God who powerfully works them in us by His Spirit! Isn't PRIDE one of the seven deadly sins....?
2 Corinthians 4:7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
For What It's Worth
Recently I watched half an episode of "Till Debt Do Us Part" with Gail Vaz-Oxlade who goes into homes of couples who are near financial ruin and gives them the tools and advice to get out of debt and stay out. I took a look at her website this week which I'll post here, lots of really good articles on there! I read something in her introduction of herself that intrigued me:
I’m all about change, and I believe that we can have anything we want in life…anything. It’s all a matter of what’s important to us and how hard we’re prepared to bust our butts. I also believe that a well-balanced life is one of the keys to happiness, and so I strive to achieve a sense of balance.
OK, this is probably a very humanistic paragraph, but with that said I think she's a very level headed lady. Christians can apply this strategy to their lives too. Obviously if you want in life is a pet elephant in your backyard that's probably not going to happen. I think what she means is if you adjust what your view of a satisfying, fulfilling life is you can enjoy the blessings in your life and quit whining and complaining about what you don't have. If you adjust your view of what you think you deserve as opposed to what you've earned then you can be content with what you have. You can set goals and work hard to achieve them. Doesn't God also call us to do that?
This makes me think of the women who've said to me "That's nice you can stay home we're not able to do that, we can't get by without my income." (Here we go... this is one of my pet peeves...)
It is not a question of what they are able to do. It's a question of what they are WILLING to do. Many families would consider what Ryan and I (and many of our friends) are living on to be totally inadequate. But it's totally how you look at it. I would never say the choice we made is the choice everyone should make. But I don't want to hear people make excuses.
If they wanted more than anything to stay home with their kid(s), nothing would have stopped them. So if they've made a different choice than us they ought not pretend it was out of necessity! They could say they loved their job and felt they could have both, they could say they wanted to give their family a certain quality of life and therefore chose to work, they could say they always felt they should contribute monetarily to the family income, they could say they love their career and staying home full time would have made them nuts. But pretending the only reason they don't do as I do is because it was impossible for them belittles me and the career (yes CAREER) choice that I have made. (end rant)
Once I became a mother what I wanted most out of life was to give my kids the best of me for their first five years. I've gotten what I wanted. Sure along the way I had to give up some other things I would have liked too but I picked what was most important to me and now I don't get to whine.
Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work--this is a gift of God. Ecclesiastes 5:19
http://www.gailvazoxlade.com/
I’m all about change, and I believe that we can have anything we want in life…anything. It’s all a matter of what’s important to us and how hard we’re prepared to bust our butts. I also believe that a well-balanced life is one of the keys to happiness, and so I strive to achieve a sense of balance.
OK, this is probably a very humanistic paragraph, but with that said I think she's a very level headed lady. Christians can apply this strategy to their lives too. Obviously if you want in life is a pet elephant in your backyard that's probably not going to happen. I think what she means is if you adjust what your view of a satisfying, fulfilling life is you can enjoy the blessings in your life and quit whining and complaining about what you don't have. If you adjust your view of what you think you deserve as opposed to what you've earned then you can be content with what you have. You can set goals and work hard to achieve them. Doesn't God also call us to do that?
This makes me think of the women who've said to me "That's nice you can stay home we're not able to do that, we can't get by without my income." (Here we go... this is one of my pet peeves...)
It is not a question of what they are able to do. It's a question of what they are WILLING to do. Many families would consider what Ryan and I (and many of our friends) are living on to be totally inadequate. But it's totally how you look at it. I would never say the choice we made is the choice everyone should make. But I don't want to hear people make excuses.
If they wanted more than anything to stay home with their kid(s), nothing would have stopped them. So if they've made a different choice than us they ought not pretend it was out of necessity! They could say they loved their job and felt they could have both, they could say they wanted to give their family a certain quality of life and therefore chose to work, they could say they always felt they should contribute monetarily to the family income, they could say they love their career and staying home full time would have made them nuts. But pretending the only reason they don't do as I do is because it was impossible for them belittles me and the career (yes CAREER) choice that I have made. (end rant)
Once I became a mother what I wanted most out of life was to give my kids the best of me for their first five years. I've gotten what I wanted. Sure along the way I had to give up some other things I would have liked too but I picked what was most important to me and now I don't get to whine.
Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work--this is a gift of God. Ecclesiastes 5:19
http://www.gailvazoxlade.com/
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Nervous, Shy, Unsure...
Three words I'm sure no one who knows me would use to describe me, except maybe my husband. Thank the Lord for the gift of a man who sees who I really am.
So here it is almost half a year and I've never yet had the nerve to tell anyone about my blog. I feel like it's a cliche! Everyone has a blog. I'm nervous about what people will think and I'm shy. Shy and unsure of myself....
Last week I spoke to a friend that I felt was being misled by a false doctrine in a book she was reading. I found myself struggling a great deal with doing it the right way. At a certain point I was getting frustrated and wishing I hadn't started. How can you teach and help someone when you are a sin addict yourself! It's like the blind leading the deaf! I felt like such a hypocrite. And yet I felt compelled to tell her that the book she was reading was dangerous. I just didn't know how to conduct myself perfectly and my sin kept hindering me from being able to help in the right way.
She said something to me that had me thinking hard for the remainder of the week: "Amy, you have very high standards for yourself and everyone around you." I think this was a way of saying I'm judgemental. I know that this is a sin I do struggle with, and I'm sure she recognizes it in me. But is having high standards for a Christian lifestyle for myself and others really judging them? Would it be better to expect little of those professing to be Christians? Being a Christian is all about setting a different standard for yourself. Holding yourself to rules that some of the folks you will deal with will not hold themselves to. Ever had an argument with an unbeliever who thinks you're telling them how to live? It's hard. They don't argue with the same set of rules you do. It's like being at war with a terrorist! But as I thought on this subject this week one text kept coming back to me.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:16
Now I just have to work hard on BELIEVING that!
So here it is almost half a year and I've never yet had the nerve to tell anyone about my blog. I feel like it's a cliche! Everyone has a blog. I'm nervous about what people will think and I'm shy. Shy and unsure of myself....
Last week I spoke to a friend that I felt was being misled by a false doctrine in a book she was reading. I found myself struggling a great deal with doing it the right way. At a certain point I was getting frustrated and wishing I hadn't started. How can you teach and help someone when you are a sin addict yourself! It's like the blind leading the deaf! I felt like such a hypocrite. And yet I felt compelled to tell her that the book she was reading was dangerous. I just didn't know how to conduct myself perfectly and my sin kept hindering me from being able to help in the right way.
She said something to me that had me thinking hard for the remainder of the week: "Amy, you have very high standards for yourself and everyone around you." I think this was a way of saying I'm judgemental. I know that this is a sin I do struggle with, and I'm sure she recognizes it in me. But is having high standards for a Christian lifestyle for myself and others really judging them? Would it be better to expect little of those professing to be Christians? Being a Christian is all about setting a different standard for yourself. Holding yourself to rules that some of the folks you will deal with will not hold themselves to. Ever had an argument with an unbeliever who thinks you're telling them how to live? It's hard. They don't argue with the same set of rules you do. It's like being at war with a terrorist! But as I thought on this subject this week one text kept coming back to me.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:16
Now I just have to work hard on BELIEVING that!
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